Life Coaching, Motivation

Mind Over Matter

You may be shocked if I said that you create your own reality or you may be not. But one thing is for sure – the power of our thinking is acknowledged more and more as a major influence to our quality of life.

The most familiar example would be stress. When we are stressed we think and act in a certain way, but also we see the world in a certain way. We become more aware of negative things around us, we start to worry about them and somehow “miraculously” they become a reality.

Wouldn’t it be nice to be in control of this reality? To change what we don’t like and remove the stress? What if we could?

The well-established fields of psychology and neuroscience along with new comers such as NLP and quantum physics all point that there is proof that our thoughts create the reality we experience.

Of course, each field has its own way of explaining this. From the molecular level of biology to the energy vibrations level of physics there is proof that our thoughts can materialise physically.

But perhaps a more simple and easy way to understand this is through the lens of psychology & NLP. Through this lens you can view how we create our reality in four steps:


Step 1 – Experience through our senses

We experience the world through our senses and send some of this data to our brain. Our senses are actually very limited – for example we can’t see ultraviolet light. Therefore we don’t really see everything the world has to offer (i.e. not the absolute reality, but a perceived reality).

Step 2 – Meaning making through conditioning

Out of the 400 billion bits of sensory data received every second (yes, every second!) our brains can only process 2,000 bits of data. I guess this deletion is for our own good – imagine feeling the clothes on your skin all of the time! That would drive us insane!

Apart from deleting information, we are also very good at distorting whatever information is left by categorising it into groups of data and then generalising these groups on to future experiences. For example, if we categorise someone we’ve met as “fun”, then we will assume that they are generally fun all of the time and we will act accordingly.

How we distort and generalise information depends on our conditioning – that is our upbringing, memories and personality; our beliefs, values and expectations.

Step 3 – Emotional state through thinking

After deleting, distorting and generalising we are left with thoughts and these thoughts affect the state we are in. Our emotional state affects us physically and mentally. 

For example, when we are angry we can notice that as we think more and more negative thoughts about the person, object or situation that caused the anger our heart rate and breathing speeds up.

“Emotion is the fuel for action.”


Step 4 – Life outcomes through behaviour

Based on what we think and feel we act and our behaviour produces results (both good and bad). It is these results that affect our reality or, if you prefer, our current experience of life. 

Now we have come full circle and can see the logic in how we create our own reality. Of course, the information here is overly simplified and there are many books from different fields that describe the process in a lot more detail.

But if there is one sentence you should take away this is the one:

Our conditioning affects our emotional state which in turn influences our behaviour and the outcome of that behaviour.

Life Coaching, Motivation

Why do People Fail?

In the last post we talked about the philosophy of NLP and the basic principle of focusing on what you do want, rather than on what you don’t want.

So if success was so easy to achieve why do so many people fail? Let’s see…

How many times have we taken advice from the wrong people? And by wrong, I don’t mean bad – just that they themselves haven’t achieved their goals or success. Basically, they advise you on how to achieve something they haven’t achieved themselves! If you want to achieve success, always look for a successful person to use as a role model.

Others want to achieve success from within their comfort zone. They are not willing to change the way they act and think. And yet, how many success stories have we heard where the person in question decided to do something different which led them to their success? Success doesn’t come overnight. It takes long-term, consistent efforts to not only learn but adopt new knowledge and behaviour which produces the new results we want.


And then there are others who won’t even attempt to achieve success until they have a ‘solid’ plan (whatever that means). They keep on planning their route to success, but they never really start the journey because they don’t have all the means or a part of the plan hasn’t been figured out yet. Now, planning is good and can help (trust me, I love planning!), but you will never know if your plan will work until you try.

Don’t be like those people! Set your goals, get advice from the right people and step out of your comfort zone. What’s the worst that could happen?